Episode 480: Everlasting Stringburger
"Everlasting Stringburger" was originally released on October 8, 2019. Description There’s only one surprisingly proportioned beef sandwich capable of stitching up the wide wounds carved across human civilization; and we’re the ones to invent it. (Not cook it, mind you. Good lord, we cannot fathom how to go about cooking Longburger. God, the logistics are dizzying.) Suggested talking points: Mars 2113, Moon Germany, Oops All Croutons!, Great Sturg’ Spots, Haunted House Acting, Morgue Benefits, The Longburger Outline 0:45 - Intro. Travis is going to New York and wants to know what to go do before the other brothers go for tour. Mars 2112 was there. 12:00 - Riddle Me Piss A rogue pilot was about to bomb Germany! The commad was given, the hatch was opened and the bomb was released. Why didn't it ever hit the ground? The plane was flying upside down 13:59 - Would it be weird if I put croutons in a chip bowl for company to snack on during events such as football parties and holidays? They do not seem that different from Cheetos and every time I make a salad I find myself crunching on them by themselves. Am I alone in my desire for them to be treated as a stand-alone snack, or is everybody thinking the same thing but they're too afraid to start the trend? - Sneaky Salad Snacker Steven in Silverdale 18:54 - Y - Sent in by Emma Kantt, from Yahoo Answers user Summer, who asks: I’m taking the boat out with friends but don’t know how to dock!? My dad is letting me take the boat out by myself for the first time (I’m 16 girl) but every time i try to dock the boat or pull it out i mess up!! I’m so scared because none of my friends had ever helped like grab the dock or stuff like that so what do i do??!! 24:49 - I love going to haunted houses during October and seeing all the great costumes and set designs. However, I'm rarely scared while I'm there. I feel like this is rude towards the actors since their job is to scare me. How can I pretend to be scared to make the actors feel better while also not acting like I'm mocking them with my fake scared reactions? - Indifferent in Indiana 30:11 - MZ - Sponsored by Casper, Stamps.com. Advertisement for Troubled Waters. 34:24 - At my college, I heard about this sweet deal where I could get free room and board. The catch is that the suite is above the hospital and I would be on call two nights out of the week and possibly move new corpses into the morgue. Being the strange person that I am, saving cash and being contractually obligated to move bodies sounds better to me than sleep and student loans. The problem with the job is that it's by invitation only, but I don't know who is doing the inviting. How do I try to look suitable for a mortuary job without being too creepy? - A (Felicia Day guests on the podcast to help on this problem.) 46:29 - Y - Sent in by lots of folks, from Yahoo Answers user Geraldine, who asks: I have a fast food question: I am tired of vertically-excessive burgers; where can I get the wide burgers? Fast Food establishments seem locked in conflict to make the tallest burger, and it's getting silly. I want a wide, easy to eat burger. McDonald's quarter-pounder-patty is between 3.8 and 4 inches in diameter (just the patty mind you; don't get me started on the bun...). For a double quarter-pounder, they just stack two, one atop the other. I'd rather have an eight inch wide half-pounder than a double quarter-pounder. Give me an original, not twice of something else. Let us look at condiment distribution. Looking at the haphazard manner in which McDonald's assembles their double quater-pounded monstrosity, and examining the ratio of burger patty to cheese to condiment to bun ( do not get me started on the bun), there is no conclusion but to say that the double quarter-pounder is a different burger than the quarter-pounder. Yes, the ingredients are the same, but the ratios are so skewed that it's a different burger experience. Truly ironic that the only constant is that wretched bun. I'm right. So, having expressed my desire for a wide burger, and now adding that I require this wide burger on the go, where does one find such a mouthful? Post script: I ask this question in earnestness; I request you respond in kind. Also, my last question, about Luby's cafeteria a fair while ago, didn't go well for me so I'm posting this anonymously. I understand there are some Luby's Lover out there still, and my heart goes out to you. Thank you friends. Bless. 59:35 - Housekeeping 1:01:08 - FY - Sent in by Seth "The Delivery Man" Carlson, from Yahoo Answers user Orange, who asks: If McDonald's is so good, where is McDonald's 2? Category:Episodes Category:Guestsperts Category:Seth Carlson Category:Emma Kantt Category:Riddle Me Piss